Yesterday was definitely a tough. Of course I’m assuming and speculating all over the place about this guy a the studio that she keeps hanging out with.
I went out last night and did a lot of thinking. I had a good talk with my mom about all this stuff my wife is doing, breaking the dating rules that we had set together, etc. My mom said, “you know, if this guy is as level headed as you say he is, why don’t you call him and chat about all this?”
So that’s what I did last night. He came down and said he had meant to talk to me last week but didn’t have a chance. We talked for almost two hours. He said that there’s a history at the studio of women who go to the studio that have tried to latch onto him because he’s a good listener and loves their kids. He didn’t say this is a bragging sort of way but more of a “it’s something I’m not trying to make happen, I’m just a good listener.” He said that teaching martial arts is his life and he could lose his job if he got involved heavily with a student and her family outside of the normal studio time or above a friendship. What I had to tell him is that my wife is investing emotional energy in him and won’t talk to anyone else about what she has going on with him, basically lying out of omission. I mentioned her diary, her past of not talking to me when there are issues, me not being the best listener in the past, etc. He said that when he went through his divorce, coincidentally, his ex-wife did the same. She had a diary and wouldn’t talk to him and no matter what he did, she was latched onto this other guy and just wouldn’t see past it.
This guy also told me that even if my wife was fantasizing about them being a couple, what she doesn’t understand is that even after a few months, reality sets in and then she’ll realize she REALLY blew it. These were his words. His ex did the same thing. She left him for a fantasy guy, and then after a few months was like “oh shit.”
He said his life is teaching and his daughter and that’s it. He hasn’t dated for 4+ years because he said he’s not really engineered to do so and likes his life simple and enjoys where it’s at. On his own accord, he said he had no idea about all these other details of what is going on between my wife and I and that he will back off as far as he can outside of just teaching my family at the studio.
There’s so much more that we talked about and I know that it sounds like he’s telling me what I want to hear but being someone that can size up people pretty quick, I now see very clearly that my wife is building up a fantasy in her head that doesn’t actually exist. Her mind is fucked up right now. Unfortunately she may have to throw her family under bus to figure it all out.
I Think It’s Time To Let Go
This has been my biggest struggle, scraping all the barnacles off of my body from the old life, it hurts to rip them off and expose the old wounds. I’m used to them being there. After regrouping my head, speaking to a close friend, having a long discussion with my in-laws, I think I’m now ready to work on setting boundaries for communicating with my ex so we can get stuff done. It’s time for me to stop toiling over the inevitable, to set rules at work so that I can start focusing on work while I’m at work and not spinning on issues that are essentially null and void moving forward. The decision is made. The train is moving. I just need to stop fighting it. If you fight the moving train, you only get tired and then it runs you over.
I’m think I’m ready now to stabilize. Off to pray, play guitar and learn how to finally start fucking relaxing already.
