It was a trippy day today. My feelings were again all over the place. But I have to say that today is my first day towards real acceptance and somewhat of a milestone for me moving forward.
I went to go look at an apartment today that was totally cheap. We currently own our condo but she has no career/money-making power and she needs a place to house the kids most of the time. The apartment was just too small and miserable but is the only think we can afford if we keep the condo. The market sucks so I told her that I’d rather we figure out a way to get rid of it so I can pay her more money a month while she gets work AND so that I can have more money a month to have a decent place of my own and not live under someone’s house. She agreed right away so we’re working that one out.
My First “Dose” of The New Relationship
My feelings have been holding my attachment to my marriage in for a long time. Today I actually had a nice open, non stressful conversation with my ex-wife about this guy at the studio, dating in general for both of us. She clued me in on what she’s going through and even asked me in friendly way if I’ve been dating and suggested that I go out and enjoy it and she planned on doing the same. It was the first time though that I didn’t feel weird and hurt when we talked about it. We actually talked like real friends, all normal and relaxed, etc.
It felt bizarre but I know that’s where I’m supposed to be with it, more and more as every day passes. I was finally able to pull my shit together at work as well. My head has been in a looping state for the last month, filled with anger, confusion, betrayal, sadness, worry, anxiety, all changing within hours at times. I lost like 14 lbs in 2 weeks. I’ve been exercising but still can’t totally eat. Although I’ve noticed my appetite is slowly coming back.
Now if we can just gracefully get rid of this condo so we can truly restart our lives things will be pretty good. Our next big emotional issue is that we have to tell the kids on Sunday what’s happening. Hopefully that’s the last of the big boots to the head. I’m not looking forward to it but my ex and I are on the same page with delivering the information and supporting them.
Off to watch Immortal Beloved….
Peace out.
