After work today I was able to go downtown, get a haircut, grab a beer, have a salad, and just walk around for a little bit. I took a walk on the beach to unwind. While there’s still so much to do and work through logistically and work through with the kids, I feel like it’s more manageable now since my head isn’t all fucked up.
I can feel my heart wanting to regress and start spinning on the pain again but I’m getting better about pulling myself out of it whereas before I felt like I was drowning in it. I got home and was able to relax with my sons and then my ex went out.
Yesterday my counselor said that right now, since we’re still in this condo, we aren’t truly divorced yet. It’s more like ‘playing divorce’. I agree with that. That is why it’s still hard sometimes for me because we don’t have our separate lives yet. It’s hard to start building on myself as an individual when we still have this condo because it’s covered in our ‘old lives’. It’s difficult to envision my ‘new life’ right now. This situation doesn’t seem to bother my ex as it does me as she has already moved on emotionally/mentally. She is excited about her future and thinking about nothing else. I think she still is in a la la land a little bit but it is what it is.
There’s still lots to do and hopefully we can move on quickly this summer.
