So as I turn the corner from the initial shakedown of all this and move into self-discovery mode, I will be posting only a couple times a week as opposed to every day. Posting every day was getting me through the minutiae of the last phase I was going through when all this started. It was a place to vent, rant, work through my thoughts by writing them out. I’m starting to move past that now and am focusing on myself, going through some self-actualization, traversing mental landscapes inside myself that I had locked away for so long, starting the journey of figuring out who I really am since I never had a chance to do so for the last 15 years.
I’m starting to meet new people now outside of my normal grind and am experiencing new things about myself already. We have a lot to work through on the logistical front for the divorce and we are going to tell the kids after school gets out so we don’t ruin the rest of the school year for them.
Balancing My Head vs. My Heart
I’m working on some key stuff from counseling right now that is really great. One of my first issues is that as an extrovert, I’ve always just splattered my stuff against a wall for everyone to see and look at, wearing my heart on my sleeve at all times, I feel it and say it out loud, my nerve endings on the outside of my body. My next step with this is to learn how to be more selective with the things I talk about, balancing out my head vs. my heart when I think through stuff, learning how to have things for myself that are mine so that I can break the habit of feeling like everything I have going on mentally/emotionally fun and otherwise, I need to share it with everyone. While I’m not planning on bottling anything up, I just need to learn that my heart, my brain are mine and that I can spend some time in my head figuring things out at a slower pace. For the longest time, out of neediness, my own co-dependency, my own insecurities, I’ve always felt secure only if I’m engaging everyone in my own chaos and shit. It’s time to re-evaluate that and it’s time to stop.
I’m gonna head off to do some photography and bbq with some friends. More to come later.
